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JOKES !

NO matter how sexy or how good she LOOKs ........... Someone some where is sick of her SHIT !!!!!!!I

I HATE every Bone in her Body ..........EXCEPT MINE

If she doesn't feel like ya love her tell her to ........FEEL AGAIN

There was cop sittin out side of a BIKER Bar watchin for drunk Bikers, Finley A biker came out stumbling & staggering all over the place. fumbled around looking for his Keys .then tried to get on his bike & fell off then got back up ,looking for his key again, staggering ,Mean while all the other bikers that where in the bar came out got on their scooters and road off with out any trouble,

So finally the cop walked over to the biker and asked him if he had been drinking ,and he said NO SIR. IM THE DESIGNATED DECOY .then jumped on his scooter & TOOK OFF!!

DO you know what a Butter face is ? Everything LOOKs good But Her FACE !!!

There were 2 Blonds driving down the road ,the driver says to the passenger ........... Look out the window & see if my turn signal is workin.

so the passenger looks out the window and says ...YES...NO....YES.. NO!

No Fear

One Sunday an old biker walks into church and sits down in the front row. As the preacher is beginning his sermon, the devil suddenly appears at the altar. The members of the congregation, including the preacher himself, flee the church in terror, all except for this one old biker in the front row.

The devil notices this one biker still in the church and walks down from the altar to confront him. He roars at the man, "Do you know who I am?"

"Why of course I know who you are," the man calmly replies. "You're Satan."

"And you're not afraid of me like the others?" the devil asks somewhat miffed.

To which the biker replies, "No. Why should I be? I've been married to your sister for the last 25 years."

Free Sex

Two bikers rode into a gas station in Indiana for a fill-up, because they
heard about a contest being offered by the station to patrons who purchased a full tank of gas. When they went inside to pay, the men asked the attendant about the contest.

"If you win, you're entitled to free sex" said the attendant.
"How do we enter?" asked one.
"Well, I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10, if you guess right, you win free sex."
"OK. I guess 7," said the other rider.
"Sorry, I was thinking of 8," replied the attendant.

The next week, the two guys go back to the same station to get gas. When they went inside to pay, the one asked the attendant if the contest was still going on.

"Sure," replied the attendant. "I'm thinking of a number between 1 and
10, if you guess right. You win free sex."
"2" said the Harley rider.
"Sorry, I was thinking of 3," replied the attendant. "Y'all come back soon
and try again."

As they walked back to their bikes, one said to the other,
"You know, I'm beginning to think this contest is rigged."
"No way," came the reply. "My wife won twice last week."

You Might Be a Diehard BIKER , IF:

#1: You call your bike your woman
#2: You treat it like it was your daughter
#3: You wash and polish it until it shines like a mirror
#4: You ride it more often than your wife (Hey, it can happen)
#5: You take it out to eat more than your wife
#6: You race against another bike and he loses
#7: You rev up your engine late at night and the neighbors start yelling
#8: You out ran the police
#9: You ride in a rally and everyone compliments you about how good you and your bike looks
#10: You watch bike shows on TV while relaxing in your armchair, drinking beer and buying Harley gear off the infomercials and off the internet

Flea Rides

There were two flea friends that decided to go to Bike Week at Daytona. The first flea got there early and was lounging on the beach when the second flea got there. The second flea was sniffling, sneezing and really sick. The first flea asks him why he is so sick. The second flea says, "I caught a ride in a biker's mustache on the way here. It was freezing, sleeting and snowing." The first flea say, "Next year, do what I do. I go to a college dorm, crawl up the leg of a beautiful woman and catch a ride in her hair." So next year the first flea again arrives early. The second flea arrives later and he is sick again - this year even worse. The first flea asks, "Why didn't you try what I told you to do last year?" The second flea says, "I DID - I crawled up a beautiful woman's leg and was quietly waiting in her hair. The next thing I know, I was riding down the road in a biker's mustache again.

BAD DOG !

A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?"

A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?"

"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir."

"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have?"

"Sir," answered the little man, "It's a four week old puppy."

"Bull!" roared the biker, "How could your puppy kill my Doberman?"

"It appears that he choked on it, sir."

Ol biker lady

A little old lady wanted to join a biker club. She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers the door. She proclaims "I want to join your biker club." The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join. So the biker asks her "You have a bike?" The little old lady says "Yea, that's my Harley over there" and points to a Harley parked in the driveway. The biker asks her "Do you smoke?" The little old lady says "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool." The biker is impressed and asks "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?" The little old lady says "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."

HARLEY WENT TO HEAVEN

Arthur Davidson of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corp, dies and goes to Heaven. At the gates, an angel tells him, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your motorcycles have changed the world. As a reward you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven."

Davidson thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang out with God himself."

The befeathered fellow at the gate takes Arthur to the throne room and introduces him to God...

Arthur asks God, "Hey aren't you the inventor of the woman??"

God says, "Yes."

"Well," says Davidson, "You have some major design flaws in your invention:
   1. There's too much front protrusion
   2. It chatters at high speeds
   3 The rear end wobbles too much, and
   4. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust."

"Hmmmmm..." replies God. "Hold on."

God goes to his celestial supercomputer, types in a few lines and waits for the results. The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it. "It may be that my invention is flawed," God replies to Arthur. "But according to my computer, more people are riding my invention than yours."

On the Farm

Three bikers are traveling in the middle of nowhere & need a place to sleep. They stop at a farm & ask the owner if they can spend the night.
The farmers says okay, but one has to sleep with the pigs, one has to sleep with the cows & the other has to sleep in a room with his 6 daughters.

The next morning...
The first biker says- "I feel like a pig, I slept with pigs all night"
The second biker says- "I feel like a cow, I slept with cows all night"
The third biker says- "I feel like a golferr. I've been in & out of 18 holes all night"

JAIL BIRD !

A biker is riding along a country lane, when a sparrow flies up in front of him. The biker can't do anything and hits the sparrow. As he looks in his rear view mirror, he sees the sparrow lying in the road. Being the kind of guy he is, he stops, picks up the sparrow and takes it home and puts it in a cage, still in a coma. When the sparrow wakes up the following morning, he looks through the bars of the cage and says, "Shit, I must have killed the biker".

Biker Mother of Six

A biker's greatest achievement was his brood of six kids. He was so proud
that he continually called his wife: Mother of Six, which pissed her off a
lot. But he kept referring to her as Mother of Six no matter where they
went.

At end of a poker run, he shouted across the bar, "Hey, Mother of Six, you
ready to go home?"

His irritated wife screamed back: "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

FINE YOUNG MAN

A biker was on his way to Sturgis when he ran out of gas late at night in front of a farm house . The farmer said that he could stay the night, and that they would get him gas in the morning,...But the ONLY place that the farmer had for the Biker to sleep was in the bed with his daughter. So when they went to bed the farmer got out some thread and a needle and sewed them in the sheets so that there wouldn't be any hanky panky going on in the middle of the night ....The next day the Biker got his gas and went on his way to Sturgis for bike week. About 18 years later the same biker decided to goto Sturgis again, And ran out of gas about 10 miles before the farmers house ,But coasted into a gas station .He filled up his bike went inside to pay for the gas .the young man behind the counter told the biker what a nice bike he had .they made small talk then the biker said he needed to be on his way ,and told the the Clerk what a fine young man he was ... THE clerk blurted out " YOU WOULD BE FINE TO IF YOU WERE STRAINED THROUGH THE BED SHEETS" !!!!

Hind Lick

Two bikers walk into a roadhouse to wash the road dust from their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking a beer and talking about the new model Harleys.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the bikers looks at her and says, "kin ya swaller?" The woman shakes her head, no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head.

The biker walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her panties, and slowly runs his tongue from the back of her thigh up to the small of her back. The woman is so shocked, that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the biker walks slowly back to the bar and takes a drink from his beer.

His buddy says, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there "Hind Lick Maneuver," but 'til today, I ain't never seen nobody do it."

A VERY BAD DAY

There's a guy sitting at a biker bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making biker steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The biker says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison..."

Ballerina!"

One night a very heavy and poorly dressed woman walked into a biker bar and sat down amongst the bikers enjoying their drinks. Suddenly the woman raised her arm and yelled, "who will buy this woman a drink?" When she raised her arm, she revealed a very hairy unshaven armpit. Old Bill, a regular drunken biker and bar patron sitting at the end of the bar yelled, "I will! Bartender, give the ballerina a drink!" The bartender poured the woman a drink. The woman chugged it down and slammed the glass down on the bar. Again, the woman raised her arm and yelled the same thing, "who will buy this woman another drink?" Again, old Bill yelled back, "I will! Bartender, another drink for the ballerina." Now, this happened a few more times. Finally the bartender asked Bill, "It is awfully nice you buy the drinks for the lady, but why do you call her a ballerina?" Bill replied, "any woman who can lift her leg that high must be a ballerina!"

Lottery !!!!!

A man gets home, screeches his Bike into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door, and shouts, “Honey, pack your bags! I just won the damn lottery!”

“Oh my God!” screams his wife. “What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?”

“It doesn’t matter,” the husband yells back, “just get the hell out!”

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